2nd June 2013

Just a quickie, nothing too morbid.  The last thing I want to do on this blog is bore everyone to death!!(excuse the pun).  The thing about me and this diary is that I want to write whenever I feel the need.

It is just different because I am fully aware that a lot of people are reading it.  When I had my own diary, it was so confidential I had a padlock on it.  Well I say a padlock but anyone could break into it.  But when you are young you think that it is a highly secure lock!!  I never knew how my mum read it, but she did.  Mortifying!

Now I am older and this is happening to me I feel like, what the hell, share.  I'm gonna be so bald soon that nothing is gonna be able to make me more embarrassed.

I have never been that girl that gets embarrassed easily.  I was not so confident as a teenager but as I grew up I realised that no one could really hurt me.  I mean I have thought the world was coming to an end when the man I loved let me go but now I think thank the lord for that!!

This whole week has been an eye opener for me.  So many people have messaged me there support.  I have friends who are so amazing I will never know how to re pay them and I hope through twitter I have made some more friends.  Girls who are also going through this and have be-friended me and want to help.  The world is a funny place.  We are so quick to look at the negative but recently I have only been shown kindness, love and support.  We as a community need to embrace this.

Right now I am feeling good.  Don't get me wrong, every step I take the words cancer cancer cancer are echoing my footsteps but I am learning to block it out!  I have too, for the time being anyway.

I am taking Henny and Willem to the airport in the morning, (my sis and bro in law) a flight I should have been getting on. But I will be seeing them Wednesday so it is not all bad.
I will fly to Marbella and live it up.  I am going to have the best holiday and smile throughout.  Sometimes that is all we can do.  I'm gonna try and get really brown (sensibly) so when I come home to face the music I look ok!  I am never white, slightly orange is always my complexion.  In a good way, not a chavvy way!!!

I am also not gonna get annoyed by my hair.  On holiday it gets so big and frizzy!  Well hair... I give you permission to be as big and annoying as you wish.

I will keep you all updated.  If you are reading this and following my journey you will literally get the good, the bad and the ugly!!  Thats the only way to write a diary.

Im off to bed now after drinking a bottle of wine.  Wine is now my best friend!  At least until I start my treatment.  In the grander scheme of things wine may be my enemy and the reason I have got this 'clive' crap (clive is what I call it because the C word is a little too hard for me).  Why Clive you ask?  Well its a random name so why not!  Anyway I wish you all a good nights sleep and I will speak again soon
xx