25th November 2013.. 1 week on

It has been a week since I had my operation. I can't believe how quickly everything has gone! 

I am healing nicely (I think). On the outside I still have my drain in, 24/7. I sleep, shower and go out with this little bag. It's really cramping my style! It's also very frustrating that I can't sleep properly nor can I shower properly. I'm not feeling 100% clean right now because I can't get my stitches or wound wet. 

In one week I will meet with my surgeon to make sure that they have clear margins. This means that the surgeon has to make sure that all of Clive has been removed. If not they have to go back in. This will not sit well with me. 

I'm so close to the finish line that any set back will devestate me.  So far during this whole process nothing has gone wrong. I just hope that continues. Plus I am loving that Clive has gone. 

Am I healing in the inside. Slowly but surely. 

I do feel strange, in a good way. 

Somehow I feel cleansed and new and clean inside like they have removed the devil from me and thrown holy water over the wound. It sounds crazy but I just feel relieved like I'm healed. Even though I'm not out of the woods just yet. 

Again I had a real 'I miss my hair' day the other night. I was looking through old photos and I felt rather nostalgic. It sounds so ridiculous to miss something so superficial but to me hair symbolised my femininity which now I dont feel like I have. 

Luckily after watching the X factor Sunday night, and seeing Jessie J perform made me more confident about the hair. She has died it back dark and has spiked it up. So guess what? I tried to copy. It actually looked ok. I've still got a way to go but I will get there. 

I had my nails done again and my eyelashes are really growing  thanks to revitelash. (It really does work). All these little things are helping me find me again. Soon enough I will be back to the old corker, big hair, big eyelashes big curves! 

Like I said my transformation from being me to being someone I didn't recognise was hard but finding me again will be fun too I guess. I may end up finding a new part of me that I like even better. Who knows!! 

All I know right now is Christmas is coming up and whether I have radiotherapy or not I am enjoying life and learning to love the new and hopefully improved me. 

I am healing on the inside and outside and that is making me happier than I've been in a long time :-)