Saturday, 7 September 2013

7th September 2013 only 2 left!!!

Where the hell has these past few months gone?  At the very start of this process it looked like a very daunting and very long journey.

I will not lie, it has been but the time has flown by.  I remember a few girls I have had the pleasure of 'meeting' through twitter and have become an amazing support network saying to me, the time will simply fly.

I did not believe them until now.

I am now starting to understand them.  I can not believe that I have had 4 out of 6 chemotherapies and my next one is the penultimate.

It seems so totally unfathomable that I actually have the potential to see my finish date.  Not my chemo finish date but my actual finish date.

My doctor has already told me that I will have another meeting with my surgeon Isabella to have a date in the diary to look forward too.  It really is all too much, I actually well up at the thought.

Yes my emotions seem to be coming back.  Don't get too excited, just a few!

They will come pouring out of me when I hear the words I have wanted to hear since I was diagnosed. (well one will hope so anyway!)  My friend asked me the other day how I was really feeling.  I say the same to her as I do to all you fellow readers.

I have absolutely no idea and I do not think I ever will.  This will all be a dream one day.  It will always stay with me and with my charity that my friends and I have set up it will always be beside me, I just do not know if I can ever really explain my feelings.  I do not think it is such a bad thing either.

So as for my 4th chemotherapy session.  Well so far it has been easier.  My herceptin was a piece of cake.  No side effects, no bad reactions, not sickness, nothing.  A complete breeze if you will.

My docetaxol, the new drug, well not so bad.  I have not had the deathly bone ache yet.  This will come, that is a promise. I was all hooked up and ready to go, my veins are holding in there, good body!!

I have stocked up on epsom salts.  An old fashioned recipe that my grandmother used to use for joint ache and something I have been religious about this whole time I have had 'Clive'.  It, I think has helped a lot.  A long hot soak in a bath with these little gems will do the trick.

For those of you just starting out I do recommend.  It has helped me to relax, and to sleep.  Do not get me wrong, I have had the odd night where I have not slept but all in all I can't complain.

It is a powder that is pure magnesium.  It is a gentle detox for aches and pains and helps release toxins out of the body.  All you need is a cup full, straight under hot water and have a bath for a minimum of 15 minutes.  Buy the pure epsom salts, not those mixed with anything.  They do not work as well.  Any fancy chemist will do them, but not Holland and Barrats, they are mixed with aromatherapy.

I am also waiting for a district nurse to come over and inject me with some unknown drug to help my white blood cells.  So far she is a no show.  Oh good, I will have to drive myself to the hospital later.  Hopefully I will stay on my side of the road and not fall asleep whilst driving.  If you are near the A3 at around 4.00 pm, stay clear.  A mad woman in a blue polo will be all over the place.

This whole experience so far if I am allowed to be a little sentimental has taught me a lot about myself.

I have learned to not sweat the small stuff.  I have always been the glass is half full kind of girl but now more than usual.

Looks are still important but it teaches you to really love yourself more than you would think.  It is teaching me to really love life and to enjoy and look forward to little things, like a glass of wine with a friend.  Simple things in life.  One day I would like to think I will share my love of life with my soul mate.  I do believe this will happen now.

So far I have learnt that I have have better friends than I could have possibly ever comprehended.  You girls know who you are.

A family that has showed me true support, kindness and a structure of love that I could have only dreamed of.

And strangers that have become like family without even knowing them.  Again you know who you are and thank you.

I know I am jumping the gun a little but why not.  I have only the future to look forward too.  I may be feeling so exhausted that even typing this paragraph is making my fingers hurt.

I have not eaten properly in 2 days because the thought of food makes me feel ill and no matter how much make up I put on I look and feel like death.  But hey ho, thats life.  It will all be over soon.  (God only really knows when.)

But for now I am in a good mood and I intend to stay like this.  Well at least until the truck comes and whacks into me, but I will keep you posted on that.

Talk soon.


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