It has been a week and a half since my radiotherapy finished. I rung my mother the day of and just burst into tears. I did not know how I was feeling. Was I happy? Relieved? Scared? I think maybe all three but what I did know was that I was about to start my life again.
I have started work again full time and I have turned 32. The past year is officially over and I am onto the next. This week has been wonderful. I remember thinking and saying to all of you that I thought I would not cope very well when treatment was over. It is a bit like planning a wedding(not that I know but can imagine) There is so much planning that you get carried away in the moment, caught in the tidal wave and there is no escaping. Your entire mind-set is tuned into planning for that wedding, party, holiday, whatever and then when it ends there is a sense of loss. A feeling of.....What's next? I have heard this from several brides. I thought I would be the same.
Well for me it has been the exact opposite. I have finally been able to plan all the things that I could not do due to the fact I was tied to being at hospital. Now I have the freedom to start my life again. It had been put on hold for 8 months and now I have started the race again.
I have never felt so free and so relieved and happy. Of course there are things that I would like, (to fall in love, buy a house) but all in good time and now I know I can really go and get them without fear.
I still have the constant worry that I am not completely healed and I know that it will be 5 years until they all, including myself stop checking up but I have confidence in the doctors, surgeons etc that I can just stop thinking about it. I can't live the rest of my life in fear. It will be the ruin of me.
I have energy that I never thought I could have again. I have a skip in my step and a giggle in my heart that hasn't been there in a long time. I have excitement for the coming year. Holidays with my bestest friends, moving in and renting with a very good friend, big birthdays, new nephews and lots of work to do for the charity Be Bald Be Beautiful. I am literally jam packed this year.
Who knows what will happen in the future. I cannot control it, but I can enjoy the coming months and know that I have great things on the horizon.
As for my hair, well I am a cross between a Bieber and Haley Cropper from Coronation Street! There is lots of volume! I will update you in my next blog.
xx
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