Sunday, 14 July 2013

14th July

So it's been 11 days since chemotherapy. The side effects luckily so far have been minimal. I have had the odd sickness, a slight feeling of giddiness and a bout of being very tired! Apart from that my day to day life has continued as normal although normality is now a rare occurrence. Normality is so boring anyway! 

The real side effect is the hair. I can deal with the sickness, just take a pill. I can deal with the constant need to lie down, just take a nap! But this hair business is another story. 

I wore the cold cap. Fine. No hair has really fallen out yet. I say the word yet loosely as I know when day 14 hits that will be it! They say day 14 hair will start coming out whether I use the cold cap or not. Here's my dilemma. I have a very thick bob. 

Do I leave it, hope for the best, even though it may thin, look scraggly, even a bald patch may appear. Or do I shave it off and be done with it? 

I can hear you all who do not have this problem. Keep the hair Alex, it's only 3 months of longer chemo sessions and you get to look normal! But again what the hell is normal?  For those who used the cold cap the whole way through I know you had this dilemma whether you would care to admit it or not. Or I could be wrong and you girls sailed through it in which case I applaud you.

 Well the reason I'm getting so agitated is because I can only wash it once maybe twice a week. I can not dry it, straighten it, use a product or even a proper hairbrush, so even when clean, my hair looks like a bundle of mess on top of my head.... A mop head if you will. Not a good look!! 

At least if its off I can just get on with it. I'm spending an absolute fortune on my wig (think Kim Zolciak from rhoa) for those who don't know her use google! 

I have Dior, Hermes and many more head scarves at my disposal, why am I not using them? 

Maybe up until now I have loved not looking ill. Although instead of looking ill I look dirty!! Which ones worse? 

It is a constant tug of war. Do I keep wearing the cold cap or not? Everyday my mind changes course. 

The angel and devil sit on my shoulders talking to me. But which ones which? Usually it's the angel we all end up listening too yet it's the angel telling me to keep my hair. The devil is laughing!!  

This time I fear the devil may win! 



  1. I remember all those fears so clear. I had long hair and the fear of it falling out was terrible worse than chemo itself. . I never had short hair and always afraid of getting my hair cut. Anyway, i didn't shave , i didn't use cold cap. . . , i wore hair net going to bed at night . Day 14 came , and yep it started to come out. I was sad , but i just kind of kept putting my hands through it and in a few days it was gone . Except of course for the few stragglers. , ,which i was very happy about and they stayed with me till the end. Not many but i had them . Spent a fortune on the wig - tag still on it in the box - but also spent a fortune on head scarves. Had one to match everything i wore, and my little straggly bits hanging out. I cant tell you the amount of people that didn't cop on i had cancer . Weird. Its a choice that has to be made individually. And its funny once its gone . . . Your fine. . . And i am sure you have read everything on the net as i did . . . And they all say . . You will be ok with it . . . I didn't think i would be. . But yep i was . Best of luck girl . .

    1. Thank you for your comment. I guess it is the anticipation of it happening, once it happens you just deal with it like everything else. Day 14!! It's haunting me haha. Whatever happens I know I will get through it as you did and I will come out of it the other side a better person. With or without hair.
      Hair does not define us, it is an added accessary.
      Cold capping is a fabulous idea and great if you can keep up with it but if not Be Bald Be Beautiful xx


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