Sunday, 16 February 2014

16th February 2014

It has been a week and a half since my radiotherapy finished.  I rung my mother the day of and just burst into tears.  I did not know how I was feeling.  Was I happy?  Relieved?  Scared?  I think maybe all three but what I did know was that I was about to start my life again.

I have started work again full time and I have turned 32.  The past year is officially over and I am onto the next.  This week has been wonderful.  I remember thinking and saying to all of you that I thought I would not cope very well when treatment was over.  It is a bit like planning a wedding(not that I know but can imagine)  There is so much planning that you get carried away in the moment, caught in the tidal wave and there is no escaping.  Your entire mind-set is tuned into planning for that wedding, party, holiday, whatever and then when it ends there is a sense of loss.  A feeling of.....What's next?  I have heard this from several brides.  I thought I would be the same.

Well for me it has been the exact opposite.  I have finally been able to plan all the things that I could not do due to the fact I was tied to being at hospital.  Now I have the freedom to start my life again.  It had been put on hold for 8 months and now I have started the race again.

I have never felt so free and so relieved and happy.  Of course there are things that I would like, (to fall in love, buy a house) but all in good time and now I know I can really go and get them without fear.

I still have the constant worry that I am not completely healed and I know that it will be 5 years until they all, including myself stop checking up but I have confidence in the doctors, surgeons etc that I can just stop thinking about it.  I can't live the rest of my life in fear.  It will be the ruin of me.

I have energy that I never thought I could have again.  I have a skip in my step and a giggle in my heart that hasn't been there in a long time.  I have excitement for the coming year.  Holidays with my bestest friends, moving in and renting with a very good friend, big birthdays, new nephews and lots of work to do for the charity Be Bald Be Beautiful.  I am literally jam packed this year.

Who knows what will happen in the future.  I cannot control it, but I can enjoy the coming months and know that I have great things on the horizon.

As for my hair, well I am a cross between a Bieber and Haley Cropper from Coronation Street! There is lots of volume! I will update you in my next blog.


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